The Future of Bacon

 

 

It’s easy to see an article like this and think that it spells out the first prophecy of the end times. But if you really think about it, you see that the steady and constant market for Pork Bellies means that the goal of Bacon Ubiquity is nearly upon us.

 

Bacon Mat

 

“Now the industry standard is more of a fresh belly, they don’t want a frozen belly. Once the hog is butchered, they take that belly, and they’re gonna slice it right then.”

Requiem For Pork Bellies : Planet Money : NPR.

We owe a lot to the hard work of the forerunners of the Bacon Saves movement: Alfred “porky” Hormel, John Farmer, Jimmy Dean, etc. put in a lot of hard work proselytizing for the purity of the Salty Sacrament.

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Saint Bacon Bacon Truck Guy

In these trying economic and morally ambiguous times, it can be dificult to maintain access to the life saving sustainence we need to preserve the the crisp saltiness of our immortal souls.

 

Bacon Bacon Wrap With some green shit

 

That’s why we are extremely happy to announce the first Cannonized Saint of Bacon. For his miraculous work bringing Bacon Salvation to the masses, we give you Saint Bacon Bacon Truck (or whatever the hell his name is) who delivers porcine happiness via a Bacon toting roach coach to the pigophiles in San Francisco California.

We assume he is working on building a herd of disciples to spread the mobile Bacon Trucks across the country to spread The Mission.

SOURCE: Bacon Bacon Truck | Thrillist.

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Bless your computer with the power of Bacon

In a world of cyber fishing and wiki hacking, it’s important to keep your home base safe from the attacking evil hordes. You could do that with some cheap software and hope that it works, or you could emblazon your computer with the salty protection of righteousness.

Bacon Saving @beaulebens' laptop from evil

Lockerz.com .:. Joshua Strebels Photos – #baconsaves @mehwolfy @beaulebens.

This photo was taken by Desciple of Swine, St. Rebel who was one of the first to take up the robes and adorn his high speed computing device with the mark of the HPB (holy pork belly).

Saint Rebel knows how to protect his electronics

Do objects in your life need blessing? Help is available…

-M

 

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Holy Web Texts

New Holy Texts have recently been uncovered. Translators are working round the clock to reveal the hiden secrets of this long lost Holy Book. We here at Bacon Saves Church of the Salty Belly, can barely wait.

Ribeye laborum beef anim, chicken ea culpa pig salami eiusmod enim ham hock. Et shank nostrud pork veniam voluptate culpa. Nulla sunt in cow, jowl commodo voluptate laborum ea dolor non strip steak tongue ham elit. Ullamco duis pork chop short ribs velit sint. Chicken consequat shoulder, venison pig duis officia non bresaola. Veniam pork belly deserunt duis, pork chop sausage sint qui tongue short loin beef pastrami pork loin drumstick labore. In strip steak beef, sirloin bacon pancetta qui nulla do pig et officia pariatur.

via Bacon Ipsum | A Meatier Lorem Ipsum Generator.

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Thou Shalt Not Steal Bacon

It’s hard to know just how to react to this. On one hand, they broke a pretty important commandment. On the other hand, Bacon is the holy sacrament of the lord. Do we really live in such a callously secular age that we have to persecute those who practice their faith in ways that we can’t understand?

Look, Guys, we all understand. It’s hard to get by in this confusing world. You go looking for enlightenment on the road to sizzly, squiggly righteousness is fraught with peril, temptation and coated in slippery, tasty grease. Give me 10 Hail Swines, 23 Our Pancettas. Repent.

The three men were able to get into Strong’s by prying and pulling open a cooler storage door. A juvenile involved in the incident admitted that they’d intended to steal money, cigarettes and other items. When they realized they couldn’t get into the store from the freezer, the three decided to steal boxes of frozen food, according to the affidavit.The value of the bacon was about $90.

via Boxes of bacon stolen; suspects arrested » Breaking News » The Herald Bulletin.

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Holy Food: Bacon Sliders

Glorify with your meals! 

bacon slider

 

Sunday afternoon, I made sliders. I wrapped bacon around each diminutive patty of hamburger, then cooked them in the oven and squeezed them between small, warm rolls. And I wasn’t the least bit sorry.

via Big Fat Bacon Sliders | The Pioneer Woman Cooks | Ree Drummond.

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Bacon the devil?!?!?!

While the title of this article might seem sacrilegious, the content is sacred:

Bacon: Health Food or Devil in Delicious Disguise? | Balanced Bites | Holistic & Paleo Nutrition Education, Coaching & Seminars

Saturated fat = stable fat = safe fat to consume, even when heated.

nder the rubric of ‘fat’ we have the perfect human fuels – what I call #1 Diesel – long chain saturated fatty acids (LCSFA) like Myristic (C14), palmitic (C16) and Stearic (C18) acid as found in the milk and meat of ruminants.

But that’s sort of not the point here because the majority of the fat in bacon (50%) is MONOUNSATURATED fat.

Yes, the same primary fat that you find in olive oil.

Would I recommend some consumption of bacon that originates from pastured pigs fed an omnivorous diet that does not contain grain. Yes! Absolutely!

“I don’t think bacon is the ideal food to eat on a daily basis because of the smoking and other processing and the relatively high temperatures usually used to cook it, but the hard facts are that it is not only a good source of choline, but downright delicious and thus an important part of making breakfast or a grass-fed cheeseburger taste awesome.  It is also bendable into heart shapes for a loved one.  Bacon should therefore not be shunned or ignored.”


- Chris Masterjohn of Cholesterol and Health & The Daily Lipid

 

 

 

via Bacon: Health Food or Devil in Delicious Disguise? | Balanced Bites | Holistic & Paleo Nutrition Education, Coaching & Seminars.

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The light of God

When the rapture comes, it is smart to have a light source that runs on the perspiration of The Lord.

 

Bacon Fat

 

We still like the idea, especially since you might want a can of tuna in your emergency kit anyway, but if you prefer the smell of cooked bacon, all you need is a stick, a small tin can, a strip of cotton to soak up the fat, and of course, some bacon or bacon drippings.

Use Leftover Bacon Drippings to Make an Oil Lamp – Lifehacker.

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The Saints Go Marching On

 

Marching Bacon

 

The Baconites set out from Rameses on the fifteenth day of the first month, the day after the Passover. They marched out defiantly in full view of all the Egyptians.”

 

adventures of harry | “Bacon!” – (c) Harry.

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False Profits Fail to Supply Bacon

Bacon Riot Police (image is unrelated)

Recent reports of masses of Lady Gagaites show that just because you poses the power of Bacon, doesn’t mean you have the purity of heart and purpose to feed a multitude.

 

“They arrived en masse in the canteen, so the staff started frantically knocking together bacon sandwiches to feed them all. The sarnies were gone in no time and some of the crew had to go without.”

via Lady GaGa ’causes ITV bacon shortage’ – Celebrity News – Digital Spy.

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